Ick

I promised my heath trainer that I would weigh myself and email him the numbers cos when I saw him on Saturday the scales were locked in a cupboard and he couldn't get them out.

I've not weighed myself on the wii fit for about 6 months (it reckons) but it said that my weight had crept back up 8lb. Is that even creeping?! And it made me think "yuck".

I've started doing zumba through seeing a health trainer - there's a twelve week beginners course that  I can access through them, and that's on a Friday morning, and then I (Menard actually) found one on a Tuesday in a local community hall, so I've been going to that with a friend, though for a number of reasons I only seem to manage to do that every other week so far, so need a better track record than that. Add to that our fairly leisurely walk at forty hall on a Monday, some preschool runs (I've been doing too many in the car lately) and the occasional visit to my treadmill, I feel like I'm doing ok with exercise. It's the eating that I've let get out of control.

So I'm starting again (again) today. Right now. I just cooked up in my wok a big mix of stir fried veg - leek, asparagus, courgette, mushroom, red pepper and some homecooked chick peas. Threw in a bit of soy sauce for flavour, and ate a bowl of it for breakfast (with some cheese grated on top). I also had a heaped teaspoon of natural peanut butter (a no sugar added one) while I was waiting. And, i took a photo of the stuff in the bowl before I ate it. Photo post to follow tomorrow with all the things I ate today.

I've just gotten so out of control with my eating, I was back to eating lots of chocolate, crisps, and way too many carbs, especially bread. And pastry - I think I ate 4 sausage rolls yesterday. Ridiculous.

Will make sure I'm drinking lots of water too. First challenge - meeting a friend for 'coffee' this morning. Since I met her through a course the dietitian ran, I think the best thing is to bed honest and see if we can have a walk instead. Or if we go to a cafe, I'll just get a bottle of water.

Right, here's to getting more healthy

Oh wow

Yesterday I was a little down. My weigh in the day before had said I was up a pound, and yesterday it went up a bit more. I figured it was probably water, but I felt down most of the day, to some degree.

My trip to Asda in the evening was an attempt to buy some yummy stuff for snacks/meals to try to inspire me (and that's when I bought the Parmesan and made the crisps). It was also conquering the place where I'd bought a lot of the chocolate and other sugary junk I was so addicted to oh so recently.

This morning I got on the scale (and although I hadn't eaten, I also hadn't pooed. Sorry, TMI!) and it said I was down 4. FOUR! Seriously, my body does some odd stuff with water retention. That's all I can put it down to. As I might have said yesterday, I don't think I drunk enough, and obviously my body thought so too.

Aim for today - get the water in! And stay on track at lunch out with a friend. And I'm seeing the dietitian (a referral from my GP). Hoping and praying that that's a useful appointment.

Plodding along

I'm still on phase one, more or less. By that I mean I have been eating things like carrots in moderation, which aren't really allowed.

Yesterday and today I was having this huge yen for mascapone cheese, which, yeah, isn't really on the diet, but I thought what harm could it do? But yesterday and today when I ate it it gave me a headache (yes, it was a bit silly to eat it a second time, but I was testing the theory that it was that that had given me the headache). And today I've been having cravings again, so I'm sure the sugar, albeit natural occurring sugars, messed with me a bit and I'll probably stay on phase one a bit longer to get over that.

I've noticed that I'm tending to not always get enough water in the afternoons, and if I've been out and about all morning I probably won't have drunk enough then either, so then I end up trying to make up for it in the evening, but it would be better to try to get enough throughout the day.

This evening I experimented making Parmesan crisps. I did it twice (in the microwave) and it worked ok, was better the second time, and will be perfect next time (or maybe just burnt!)

I've got an appointment with a dietitian tomorrow which I'm hoping will be helpful. I plan to take a copy of the South Beach diet book just in case they've never heard of it!

Starting over again

Hello, it's me again.

Long and the short of it, I had two babies, continued to put weight on, binged on really bad stuff and a week ago finally got a hold of myself and I've been on south beath phase one (more or less) for a week.

Last Saturday was day one and I weighed in at the largest I'd ever been - 320lb. Today I weighed and I was 309lb. Yay! I know a fair bit was water retention cos I spent the first two days weeing every ten minutes! But it can't all have been water. So yay, I'm going in the right direction.

I know I haven't blogged on here, but I just need to do it to have a place to stay accountable, even if noone else reads it, I know that they could!

(My husband still calls me beautiful, but I know I could look and feel better, and enjoy him and my kids more once I'm thinner)

I guess I ought to add some recent pics. Will do that soon...

doing ok, I think (day 17)

Things are going pretty well. I went to two parties yesterday (Saturday). The first was 'afternoon tea' sort of time - 2 til 4, so I managed to avoid eating at it altogether (since all there was there was cake!) and the second was in the evening, but I was able to negotiate the buffet to find some quiche (and not eat the pastry), some chicken, sausage and lots of salad.

Today I tried making black bean brownies (I'll try to find the link for that). I used half a cup of sugar and I've eaten 1/36 of the end result. Plus I admit I had a lick of the spoon with batter on. But that was enough to give me a sugar headache. I think what I'll do is freeze them and have one as a treat once in a while, but it was enough to satisfy my craving for chocolate and deter me from wanting any more chocolate or sugar for a while. Actually, since I'm trying to be very honest here, I've just remembered that I did have one chocolate truffle earlier. We received them as a late home-made Christmas present and I just wanted to try one. But I will be giving the rest away.

I weighed myself yesterday and I was 284. That's up on my lowest, but that is partly to do with time of the month, and partly that my lowest was when my throat was really sore and I couldn't eat much at all.

9th Jan 2011

Ok, so if today is 9th Jan, then that makes this day ten of my new start. And it's going well, sort of. It's going well in that I'm eating healthy, having less cravings for bad stuff and I'm losing weight. It's not going so well in that I haven't posted every day and currently I'm one poorly mama.

Thursday was spend still dealing with some of the lost purse fallout. I also went back in to town with my lovely friend Danielle to face my fears and to pop into the bank to say thank you to the ladies who helped me.

Friday we went to Teeny Tots in the morning, but at lunchtime my throat started hurting and it hasn't stopped since. By the evening I was dizzy and Menard says my head was really hurt. I started taking paracetamol, and have been ever since. Today I don't feel so dizzy and I think my temperature might be a bit closer to normal, but my throat is still really sore and my asthma is kicking in too, just for fun! Think I'll be ringing the doc in the morning to get checked over.

I've been using my wii fit to weigh myself cos my scales are just a bit too wacky to us anymore. I think being used as a door stop has not improved them! But this morning my wii fit went crazy too - the first time I tried it thought I'd put on two stone (28lb)! The second time was better, but still up, and I was all "hello, I've barely eaten, I'm still gonna check this again". I know it's not really a fair weigh-in cos I didn't eat much at all yesterday and that some weight may go back on once I can eat again (please throat stop hurting me when I swallow). But still, I did it anyway. And I was 285lb. Which would be 10lb down in 10 days.

I remember a similar thing happening in the past, that when I actually truly did phase one properly, the weight dropped off. I'll continue it for the two weeks it suggests and then I'll think about adding in some carbs cos I know weight loss like this is ok to kickstart, but not healthy to continue at quite such an alarming rate.

Day something? I've lost count. Oh and jan 5th!

Quick post. It's been a bit of a rough day. (see this post on It's my Life)

I've forgotten already what day I'm on. Yesterday was bad bad bad, but also good. I over did it way way too much on the nuts and cheese. But I did get out and get some exercise, also the dentist said my teeth were fine and no signs of decay!

Today's been better. I got at least twenty minutes brisk walking this morning and some this afternoon as well. And it's just occured to me that when things when bad this afternoon it didn't even occur to me to think something like "a bar of chocolate would cheer me up" whereas in the past that might have been one of my first thoughts.

Ok, back tomorrow.

4th Jan

Ok, so yesterday was day 4. Think I did ok with my eating. I'm trying to eat up the parsnips and carrots that are in my fridge, which I'm not sure are exactly phase one, but going slowly and definitely avoiding potatoes, so that's ok.

I felt really rough yesterday evening. Couldn't stop sneezing and my nose would not stop running. Bit better this morning, I think, although it's a bit early to tell. I've got to go to the dentist later, so hopefully I won't be sneezing and spluttering too much!

Mentally I think I'm getting this. I went to two big supermarkets and walked past lots of reduced Christmas goodies and creme eggs and although I thought, hm, in the past I would have bought some, if not a lot of those, I was able to say, "nope, I don't want them", and walk on. Same with the bread and cakes area, I just thought walk by and don't even look, and it worked!

Of course, I'm sure there will be more mind blips. But I'll just keep going. I soaked chickpeas yesterday, and I'm going to cook them in a bit. I have some tahini from my mum so I can try making hummus for myself (every time I spell that word, I'm sure I do it differently!)

I'm so tempted to weigh myself this morning, but I know that I shouldn't cos it's not good to get into a habit of doing it every day. I did, however, take lots of measurements of myself last night, so that'll be a good record to see how things change over time too.

Today we'll be heading over to see my parents at some point this morning (giving them a chance to assemble their new sofa before Sophia arrives on the scene). I'll be going to the dentist, and I've got a few other things to do in town, so that's some out and about-ing and a bit of exercise. I didn't really manage to get any yesterday.

3rd Jan

So today is day 4 of eating good stuff and doing this weight loss thing!
I've weighed (cos it's Monday and that's official weigh in day) and I'm at the same as I was yesterday - 291lb. I won't be weighing again for a few days cos I know it's not good to do it every day.

Yesterday I successfully avoided the cake at church. That wasn't too tough, I mostly just stayed away from it. I also downed a few cups of water so I'd feel a bit full and wouldn't want anything else.

In the afternoon I did have some cravings. I think I need to make sure I've got stuff around for snacks as well as meals. I have cashew nuts, but I don't want to eat too many of those in a day. Need to go shopping for some vegetables anyway, so I'll have a think. Maybe I'll get some houmous and stuff to dip.

I also had a headache most of the day and felt a bit weak and feeble. I tried really hard to keep drinking. Today I'm going to try to count my drinks to see how much I'm having. I know I'm pretty good at it, but I want to count to be sure.

Plans for today - I'd like to start to try to make sure I get out for a walk every day. I know that's gonna be good for me in lots of ways.

2nd Jan 2011

Eating veggies is going well. I haven't even had any cravings for junk. And I feel less bloated - something that the scale agreed with when it told me I was down 4lb! (Yes , I have been eating, I promise. Also, yesterday I didn't remember to weigh until after breakfast and today I weighed 'empty'. Also, I promise I won't be weighing every day, cos I know that's not a good thing to do.)

I had a headache yesterday and felt a bit bleugh, so I upped my water and that helped. After all my body is de-toxing from all that sugar and junk I've been feeding it lately.

Ok, gotta go get ready for church. Back tomorrow.

Oh, and I'll try to take some up to date photos soon.

New year, new start

Ok, so boyfriend became husband, bump became almost 15 month old. Debs' belly got big.
I've tackled it a bit - I weighed in 6 months ago at a stomach turning 316lb. Right now, this morning, I'm 295lb. That's up from the lowest I've been lately, but I'm resolved to change. So, hence the reinvention of this blog.

Here we go....

Yesterday I was good. I ate loads of veggies and protein. I totally avoided the junk that's still left over from Christmas. I decided that enough's enough and I'm going for this.
So watch this space.

I'm currently still recovering from ickyness that's affected my asthma, so I can't get into exercise yet, but at least I can try to eat right.

Blogging again?

I think I need to start blogging here again, but I'm not quite sure what I want to say. I'm to my highest ever weight and that definitely needs to change.

I weighed

(as 6am after the night feed - well Sophia was asleep, so I figured I should grab my moment!)
And it's 272.2.
Yuck.
That's all I have to say about that. BUT I'm determined to change it.
In the meantime, however, I have to go back to bed.

(another) new start

Ok, so my baby is here. Sophia Louise is three weeks old today. And I NEED to lose weight again. I know that I wasn't good with my eating habits while I was pregnant, and they've got worse since I gave birth, so it's time to take hold of them again. I'm not sure how much I weigh (I need to get my scales from my mum's house) but I know it's LOTS. I can tell cos I can see it on my belly and my thighs, and in my face.

I went shopping on Monday to get some trousers, since I was pregnant over the summer and the few maternity clothes I have are all too cold for the Autumn. I got a pair of black jeans, but it was quite depressing that I needed a size 24. That's only one size down from what I was wearing at the start of my weight loss journey a couple of years ago.

I know that it's still only 3 weeks since I gave birth, so I still need to be easy on myself. I need to rest and make sure I'm getting lots of sleep. For my sake, and Sophia's, but I also know that losing weight will help me feel so much more energetic and so much happier. So, this is it, I'm on the weigh again. I know that accountability helps me, so I'll be weighing in here (One weigh or Another) and I'm posting this post on my personal weight loss blog too (Can big change to beautiful?).

Life and changing shape

I haven't blogged over here in a long time, partly I guess because it felt like I didn't need to blog here. I felt like 'big' had changed to 'beautiful'. I'd changed physically, but more importantly, I'd changed emotionally too.

I fell in love, with myself firstly, and then with M, who's now my husband. I felt beautiful. I recognised that beauty is on the inside, not just the outside. I've learnt so much and changed in so many ways since I started this blog back in September 2006.

So, why am I blogging here again? I'm almost 21 weeks pregnant and my body is changing shape again. It's exciting, but it's also scary and actually quite difficult to come to terms with.
I'd got thinner, my tummy wasn't huge, I felt more normal sized, and now my tummy is growing again, and it's sometimes hard to deal with.

I have high hopes for this baby, and for me, but I'm also scared that the weight won't come off again afterwards. I don't want to lose my determination, my spark, the impetus that helped me to lose the weight in the first place. So here I am to document the second half of my pregnancy a little, and how I'm dealing with changes in my body.

Thursday 15th January

I think that although I'm not really losing weight this week, it's been good to make myself write down everything that I've eaten, even when I've gone totally off track. In the past I've just clammed up and stopped recording, and I have found it hard to persevere, but I'm trying. I'm hoping that today I'll stay on track. But whatever happens, I'll let you know!

weigh-in 223

Breakfast
Bacon and mashed cauliflower

Wednesday 14th January

Forgot to weigh this morning

Brunch
mashed cauliflower & veggie curry

Snack
cashew nuts, macadamia nuts and a piece of cheese
(later) spoonful of peanut butter
A few chocolates. I found them when I was tidying up my room, and had eaten them before I realised that I shouldn't have.

Dinner
fajita style - onion, pepper, a little leftover beef, fajita seasoning, yoghurt and grated cheese.

After dinner
I ate that oat stuff again. I need to stop thinking that I need something else to eat.

Tuesday 13th January 2008

Morning weigh in 222.8

Breakfast
cold veggie curry

snack
babybel cheese

lunch
veggie curry with a little cheese

afternoon
This is where it went wrong. I was really hungry, but didn't take enough South Beach friendly snacks with me. I ended up eating a mix of oats and hot chocolate sauce.

dinner
liver & bacon, onion, mashed cauliflower, peas and carrots

Evening
2 cookies

Monday 12th January

Weigh-in 225.2

Breakfast
Veggie curry with a little grated low fat cheese

Snack
Baby bel

Lunch
Veggie Curry with grated cheese

Afternoon
small piece of chicken & mushroom pie, and 1/3 a baked potato. (Not a good move, i know :( )

Dinner
mashed potato and tomato, kidney beans and chicken.
Fruit salad and a little bit of icecream.
3 Quality Sweets sweets.

8th Jan 2009

I got distracted (in life and in eating) and my accountability went, or rather I ate stuff that I didn't want to own up to eating :(

I'm back on track today, mostly. I got up late though.
weigh-in today 221.2

Brunch
Veggie curry with grated cheese on the top

Afternoon snack
piece of ham
spoonful peanut butter
handful cashew nuts

Dinner
Sausages with daal and cabbage. Followed by a couple of dates (just randomly really. Don't know why I ate them, cos I don't like them that much. Need to work on not doing that)

Evening
Babybel cheese